Five years ago, I had just begun teaching English in Madrid.
My boss got a request (petición) for an American English teacher for a CEO of a well-known (muy conocida, pronunciado "NOun") company, so there I went.
This was an older gentleman, the kind of student that constantly distracted me from the lessons I meticulously prepared with his questions about English language and American culture.
He looked like (se parecía a) Eduard Punset without the wind tunnel hair.
He was obviously very intelligent, very agile-minded and very curious about the language.
So, one day, a word comes up (surge) that I don't understand because his pronunciation was sometimes weird (extraña), so I ask him to spell it (le pido que la deletree). It was something like "Arizona".
CEO: "A, R, I, Zed.."
Me: "Wait a minute, zed?"
CEO: "Yes... A, R, I, Zed..."
Me: "Wait, what do you mean by zed?"
CEO: "The letter.... the last letter of the alphabet"
Me: "That's Z (pronunciado "zee" en USA). (I start to laugh) So, what, are we
spelling things in Greek now? Are you gonna throw in a Gamma or an Epsilon? Like fraternities... Pi Kappa Phi! HAHAHAHA"
CEO: "Maybe that's the British way..."
Me: "Hahaha, I've never heard that in my life!"
Then I went home and told my Spanish wife about it.
"Hahahaha you're not gonna believe what my student said today!!!"
And then she calmly stops me and confirms that yes, the British say "zed" for the last letter of the alphabet.
Dead silence befalls the room as I remember chuckling at and making fun of a CEO to his face. The room starts spinning as I see myself in my mind's eye in slow motion laughing and saying "...PI KAPPA PHI!!! HAHAHAH!!!!"
Needless to say, the next day, I tucked my tail between my legs, sat down in his office and ate me a big helping (ración) of humble pie.
Luckily, he was nice enough to just give me a good slap on the back and chuckle back at me.
I've been part of many conversations where Spaniards voice their opposition to elements of foreign cultures invading Spain.
I get it (Entiendo): you think your culture is being erased by globalization or Americanization or whatever you prefer to call it.
Last week these people said things like "¿Y por qué hay que celebrar Halloween aquí si la tradición española es de Todos los Santos?" (Why should we celebrate Halloween here when the Spanish tradition is All Saints Day?)
And that's a damn good point (es una buena observación donde las haya).
Spaniards already dress up (se disfrazan) for Carnaval (like Mardi Gras in New Orleans), but they don't trick or treat.
So we should repeal this law that makes it mandatory for all Spaniards to celebrate Halloween.... wait... that law doesn't exist.
Oh yeah... you're free to celebrate Halloween or not if you damn well please (si te da la p___ gana).
In these conversations, people say these things to me as if I'm taking part in making everybody celebrate Halloween against their will (voluntad).
It's funny(curioso): the last guy to say this to me was wearing Levi's, Pumas, a Ralph Lauren Polo and Ray Bans.
Well, I've got news for you: I couldn't care less (me da exáctamente igual) if you celebrate Halloween or not.
Just a thought, though... maybe people in Spain celebrate Halloween more than All Saints' Day because it's more fun to dress up than to wash off tombstones...
Do you not like Thanksgiving (Acción de gracias)? Then don't celebrate it.
Do you not like Veterans' Day? Martin Luther King Day? The Fourth of July?
Nobody's taking attendance.
You don't lose money if you don't do it.
Stay at home and watch Cuentame como pasó or a bull fight.
Another thing people like to accuse America of is making Spain give gifts as Santa Claus instead of on Epiphany (el Día de los Reyes Magos).
Well, lemme (déjame) tell ya (you) somethin': Nobody makes you do Santa Claus.
In your family, you can celebrate whatever you decide.
People act like it's some kind of obligation to do Santa Claus becuase that way their kids have more time to play with their toys over (durante) Christmas break.
If you choose (eliges) to give your kids their presents (regalos) early (antes), that's fine, but don't blame (no eches la culpa) poor ol' Saint Nick (Papá Noel) because your national holiday gets less attention.
He doesn't care one way or the other.
Hell (Qué demonios), he'd probably be relieved if Spaniards didn't participate.
It'd be a whole lot less paella pans, sangría jugs, Flamenco shoes and bullfighting swords to deliver (entregar).
